Posts: 18058
Joined: 2006-09-08
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I thought there was a thread for this already, but couldn't find one in the search
Anyway, in the post office the other day, a guy comes in wearing building stuff and starts having a conversation with somebody else he knows and at the end of the conversation he says, in all seriousness, "I'm just trying to make an honest buck without paying the taxman". He then collects his giro money
And then last night, everybody round a mate's house and this girl was trying to chat one of the lads up and said "So, are you well into indie music then?". I left after that
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Posts: 59908
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i really like the sound of them two.
you should of gone up and just shook both their hands and not said a word and just walked off. 
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Posts: 18058
Joined: 2006-09-08
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In the pub last week after football, the young child of one of the players says "Dad, my teeth itch". Made more funny cos it had suddenly gone quiet so everybody heard it and laughed.
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Posts: 12577
Joined: 2005-04-20
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My mate and his bird were watching the news. He says to her about John Suchet.
"That's poirot's brother"
"Don't be stupid! I'm not falling for that!"
"I'm serious that's his brother"
"He's not even Italian!!"
Women 
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Posts: 18058
Joined: 2006-09-08
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In the post office today, of course, and some lad was trying to chat up some blonde sales rep type in there. They were making small talk and she started saying how she'd love to be in the beer garden in this weather and he replied:
"Yeah, I might start wearing my shorts to work. I've got these flowery ones. Got five pairs actually. I'm proper obsessed with them...I'm well into my flip flops too"
Killed the conversation stone dead
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Posts: 4498
Joined: 2006-07-16
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Hahaha how the france can you be "into" flipflops??
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Posts: 17101
Joined: 2004-07-10
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 what a dude
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Posts: 876
Joined: 2009-08-09
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Went to get some v water and on my way I get into this sweet shop.A boy and a girl about 9/10 year olds are in there,the assistant goes "here you go love" as she hands the pick and mix to the little guy he then goes to his little girlfriend "you see darling,she appreciates me doesn't she?" the girl says "ohh yes sweety" then they stand by the door proper hugging and kissing each other..I was baffled tbh. Between the ages of 9-13 if a boy told me they liked me or whatever I cried or just ran away 
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Posts: 1506
Joined: 2009-02-01
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the "oh yes sweety" bit makes it sound quite surreal.
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Posts: 8802
Joined: 2004-02-24
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On the bus last night:
"Mate, you have the weirdest taste in chocolate"
"No I don't"
"What's your favourite chocolate then?"
"Well, when I'm at the counter it's a toss up between a Bounty or a Turkish Delight"
"See, Turkish Delight, that's rank"
"It's not rank, it's chocolate covered jelly"
"Exactly, jelly"
"It's not just jelly though, it's like Chanel Number 5 jelly"
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Posts: 148
Joined: 2009-04-30
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At work today:
Blonde 1: fancy a curry tonight?
Blonde 2: no I don't like forrin food
Blonde 1: how about a pizza?
Blonde 2: oh yeah, I love pizza
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Posts: 18058
Joined: 2006-09-08
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^ Margarita only though, I bet
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Posts: 16576
Joined: 2004-10-14
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Music Exchange Soho
Man behind counter: These are good records
Seller: I have loads more at home
Man behind counter: Yeah 80's and 90's stuff is really selling well with the trendy hoxton/Shorditch types
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Posts: 9292
Joined: 2006-06-12
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few favs from my mate...
he bought a white cat so he knew when it was dirty
he ordered curry, too much came so he ate half of it.. but he didnt want the left overs to stink the bin out so he forced it down
he used to use internet dating, before he would agree to meet them he worked out their bmi from height and weight in profile
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Posts: 6809
Joined: 2005-10-06
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velvet wrote:
few favs from my mate...
he used to use internet dating, before he would agree to meet them he worked out their bmi from height and weight in profile
this is a good idea
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Joined: 2005-10-20
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I heard some bint on the train yesterday sayin she does "internet shopping" cos she can't be arsed with changing rooms....
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Posts: 74
Joined: 2009-09-13
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obeks wrote:
I was getting the night bus back from central about 4 in the morning, sitting on the top deck, proper packed.
this fat kid starts blazing a spliff and its stinking up the bus. the driver switches of the engine and over the tannoy shouts in the thickest rasta accent "DON'T SMOKE THE SHIT!"
the bloke shits himself and chucks the zoot out the window.
and who said bus drivers weren't professional?
This may be old but literally made me burst out laughing
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Gaz wrote:
I heard some bint on the train yesterday sayin she does "internet shopping" cos she can't be arsed with changing rooms....
That bint sounds like me.
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"prohibition, isn't that something to do with slaves?'' - MOB
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Posts: 9292
Joined: 2006-06-12
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clapham common yesterday evening
"if you could see any band dead or alive who would it be?"
"maximo park"
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Joined: 2009-02-18
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overheard as two lads passed me...
"will.I.am, more like cunt.I.am"
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Posted: Sat, 11/10/2008 - 11:02am
