That commute would be a killer. I was commuting from east to west London for about a year and a bit, train/tube/train and it killed me. What kind of hours do you work? Is there scope to WFH?

With the new baby situation, it sounds very tough (without knowing your exact situation). What does your missus think of it?

Hanto dont do it!

Had a similar situation - felt like topping myself after 6 months.

I know your in East Sussex as well right? Trains in the evening are murder!

The commute is the main thing, and always will be. If it was local (1hr or less), it would be far less of an issue. I am Chichester Rick, so yeah 20 mins to station, then 2hrs on Southern Rail and then the Northern Line, to Old Street. My current company, if I have to go to London, is an office by the Shard so is no distance to travel at all. Plus my commute at the moment to my actual office is driving through the South Downs, so is pretty idealic, and never really deviates in terms of how long it takes.

I guess the key thing is how many people here have changed job for money and found it rewarding, and how many have not and found their life balance more rewarding.

As I say, the role is likely to be 3 days in London, at most, a week, but the pay increase is 57%.

I could possibly get a similar job locally, but not working in the same sector, software wise. It's a part of SaaS that genuinely interests me, but the other company has just had a huge round of funding and feels like it is going places.


The other issue is, naturally, being nearer the RMC flagship, Clutch Cafe, any Vis stockist, and of course, pretentious coffee shops!


She is supporting in whatever I want to do, but is certainly mindful of my mental health at the moment. Currently on an increased dosage of Sertraline and taking CBT again because of the baby! However, what she did say is that it could be worth sounding out to see what the whole thing looks like. Even if the fit is not right now, we think it could be good to entertain at least, just to show willing at this stage, as things may never get better where I am currently.

The irony is I only had to do 6 months of commuting to London before (Farnham to Farringdon), to know I wouldn't like it. But that was nearly 7 years ago. I may see if I can factor in the commuting time into the working day itself, so if I am online, whilst on the train, it doesn't consitute just doing extra work, but is actually part of the day.

The pros are the earning potential with a company moving in a solid direction and professional/personal development.

The con is the commute and strain from that.

That would be the plan. If I can pick the days, then it would also be a benefit. Yeah Southern is not ideal to work on. I can always get a seat on the way; not necessarily the way back until I've left East Croydon!

As someone who is not great with change and who like structure, it has thrown up a lot of things. I am definitely not a 'go getter' and career person. But I do know that I am not going to spend my life at my current company and would kick myself if I felt in years to come I had not had the courage to take a leap of faith.

You can get used to a long commute but it would be a terrible idea.
You would basically be missing out on around half of your child's life as you'll be leaving before they're awake (eventually!) and getting back after they're in bed.

The only way I would consider it would be if you were planning to move closer to the job once you've been there a few months.

I did 90 minutes drive each way for a couple of years and can't believe I stuck with it was amazing looking back.
The difference to my quality of life moving to somewhere 20 minutes away was huge (and WFH is even better obviously).

I actually miss my 40 minute cycle to work a lot. I Even kind of miss the equivalent journey on the tube in terms of decompression time/time to read a book and listen to an album).

Spending more than a couple of hours commuting a day seems so alien to me, maybe if you're already used to it the extra time isn't that bad though?

Can't wrap my head around it!

100%. move, leave it or insist only 1-2 days in the office a week

Thanks all. Would I be a prick to use it as leverage at my current job. If not, any suggestions on how to go about it.

It's only leverage if you are happy to go for it, big risk mentioning it if you don't want to take it.

That said if you think you're worth more then tell them.
Prepare something to say what you want and why you deserve it, what value you bring to the business etc.

It's all about how you approach it with the current employer. If you are going to use the pay me this or I leave bluff then be prepared for them to call it, and you fucking off or staying put with the consequences of your actions.

Might sound daft but if you are going to use it as leverage make sure you do actually have a confirmed offer in writing or it could backfire in a major way.

If your intentions are to get a nice bump, then you need to do some homework. Market value is one metric to bring up but also be mindful that some orgs pay way over what market rates are for specialised skills with shortage (start ups an example) to attract top talent. This does depend on role though. More established orgs won't have this pay structure and likely hood is you could be asking for more than your boss and that will get you laughed out the room.

One way to go about it is get a specific number in mind that you would be happy with. Get a meeting with your manager/boss/powers that be and be honest about the new opp/approach and explain your intention is to remain but would respectfully like a salary review. Explain you are not expecting the 50% hike but feel based on …….. past performance/achievements/market rates etc…..make sure you have a good rehearsed response for your reason why and DON'T make it specifically about money/market rates.

They will typically be thinking 'ok whats the figure' you say what you wan't and then If you are valued and your are not asking for ridic hike that breaks structure your boss should go fight for this on your behalf (unless he can sign off).

Other approach would be to get the offer in hand and go in with a more assertive approach but that's a trickier game, you still need to act loyal and say your really torn and it can work in your favour. Be arrogant and it can massively backfire. So many things to consider, company culture, salary structure, role you have, past and current performance all factor in.

PM if you want anymore help I have negotiated salary rise for others and myself successfully many times.