from Popbitch

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled?"

She says "No sir, it's just regular porn. You sick bastard."

@ andy and noble.

young guy with red, green, blue and yellow spikey hair sits down on a park bench next to an old boy.
young guy glances round at old boy every couple of minutes and old boy is just sat staring at him.
after looking round about 5 times, young guy snaps and shouts 'what's up old man, never done anything wild in your life?'
old man says 'yeah, got pissed and shagged a parrot when I was younger, just wondering whether you were my son?'

Old Bill is sitting on his balcony, quietly enjoying the afternoon sun, when he sees Little Tommy walking down the street.

"Hey son" shouts Bill, "watcha got there?"

"Some chicken wire" replies Tommy, "I'm gonna catch me some chickens"

Old Bill laughs and shakes his head - "you don't catch chickens with chicken wire son" and lets Tommy go on his way.

2 hours later, to Bill's amazement, Tommy comes waltzing down the street with 4 chickens stuffed under his arms.

The next day Old Bill is sitting on his balcony, quietly enjoying the afternoon sun, when he sees Little Tommy walking down the street.

"Hey son" shouts Bill, "watcha got there?"

"Some duck tape" replies Tommy, "I'm gonna catch me some ducks"

Old Bill laughs and shakes his head - "you don't catch ducks with duck tape son" and lets Tommy go on his way.

2 hours later, to Bill's amazement, Tommy comes waltzing down the street with 4 ducks stuffed under his arms.

The next day Old Bill is sitting on his balcony, quietly enjoying the afternoon sun, when he sees Little Tommy walking down the street.

"Hey son" shouts Bill, "watcha got there?"

"Some pussy willow" replies Tommy, "I'm gonna…"

"Hang on a minute" interupts Bill, jumping out of his chair, "I'll get my coat"

Great page.

A Scotsman and his wife were on honeymoon in Canada, they decided to visit an Indian reservation. In the middle of the reservation there was a teepee with a sign advertising a memory man. The sign read "The amazing memory man knows everything and forgets nothing". The Scotsman decides to try this out and steps inside.

He greets the young brave "How".

The brave points to a jar full of $20 bills and says "If you ask me a question I can't answer you get the jar. If I answer it you put $20 in the jar".

The Scotsman figures he can beat him and asks "Who won the Scottish FA cup in 1878 ?"

The indian thinks for a minute and says "Vale of Leven beat Third Lanark 1-0"

The Scotsman is truly amazed at this correct answer and pops his 20 bucks in the jar.

The couple return to Scotland and live a full and happy life for 50 years. For their golden wedding celebrations they decide to retrace their tour of Canada. After visiting their relatives they once again end up at the reservation. They are amazed to see that the teepee of the memory man is still there.

"Wonder if he will remember me ?" says the Scotsman.

So he goes into the teepee and says "How".

The indian replies "Penalty in the 52nd minute"

reminds me of….

Noddy Holder goes into a tailor's and says to one of the assistants,

"I'm re-forming Slade, I want to buy some new stage clothes. I need a pair of flared trousers, a wide collar shirt, platform boots and a mirrored top hat.

"Kipper Tie?" asks the assistant

"Oh thanks" says Noddy "2 sugars please."

Whats Snoop Dogs favourite type of weather?














Drizzle