there is a farmer in devon, who has grown a field full of dildo's. Trade is going great, but he now has a problem with squatters.

what goes "ring ring arrrgrggrghrgrhhr"?

Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Two women were playing golf One teed off and watched in horror
as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the
next hole.

The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to
apologise.

'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the
man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal
position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She
gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened
his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long
moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

He replied: It feels great, but I think my thumb's still broken!

"I'm baffled by your orange penis" the doctor told his patient.
"Does anyone else in your family have this condition?"
The concerned fellow said "No".
"Do you handle any chemicals at work?".
"I don't work" said the patient.
"Well what do you do all day?" said the doctor

"watch porn and eat wotsits"

Three women are about to be executed. One''s a brunette, one''s a redhead, and one''s a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Big Gay Ray goes to his doctors to get his test results .
The doctor says "Im sorry Big Gay Ray but you've got AIDS "

"AIDS" shouts Big Gay Ray "What the fuck am I going to do?"
"Well" the doctor says " Try eating 1 pork sausage, 1 head of cabbage, 20 jalapeno peppers, 40 peanuts, 40 walnuts, a half box of All Bran cereal & then top it all off with a gallon of prune juice."

"Will this cure me?" asks Big Gay Ray.
"No" replied the doc "But it will give you a better understanding of what your ARSE is for"

Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes.

It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after.

—

Me and the wife were having a row the other day when, all of a sudden, the strangest thing happened…

Our canoe sank.

A Couple in a fast food outlet in France, asked the blonde waitress: “Can you settle an argument for us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?” She leaned over and replied “Burrr…..gurrr King.”

The Irish SAS have parachuted into Mumbai zoo and freed all the ostriches.

what makes 9 out of 10 people happy ? gang rape

whats 18inches long and makes a woman scream all night ? cot death

you got that worng, its his son doed of a 'saturday night seizure'

fairy muff.

pm Hellow World