Jade Goody, Patrick Swayze & Wendy Richard are doing Pantomime this year.
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.OH NO THERE NOT !!!!


Jade Goody has been cheered up by one bit of good news today,..she got £10 on eBay for her hairdryer

(slightly drunk though)

Old Father O'Malley was strolling through the church grounds one sunny summer evening, when he came upon a little frog sitting by a tree.
"My Lord," he said, picking it up: "You're the saddest, most forlorn-looking frog I've ever seen. I only wish you could speak, so that you might tell me your troubles."
The frog replied, "Actually, I can. You see, I was once a choirboy in this very parish. One day I offended a passing Gypsy, and she put a curse on me that turned me into a talking frog."
"Incredible!" said Father O'Malley. "Is there anything I might do to help you?"
"Actually yes, there is. The Gypsy said that if I can find somebody to take me home and let me sleep in their bed, the curse will be lifted and I'll be back to normal."
"Well," said Father O'Malley, "the good Lord teaches us to be charitable. I think I can manage that."
So Father O'Malley picked up the little frog and put it in his pocket. That night he placed it gently on the pillow beside him and drifted off into a long, dreamy sleep. When he awoke the next morning, the frog had turned back into a choirboy, just as it had said it would.
And that, Your Honour, is the case for the defence…


Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Copped a Rolex for my birthday from the lesbians next door, all I said was I wanna watch

One day this merchant banker is so fed up with life in the city, the day to day drudgery and total inhumaness of his demanding job…so he wants to get in touch with himself and do some soul searching for a little while and get away from it all…so he gets in his little vintage convertible sports car and he heads straight out of the city to the country, where he can drive the country lanes and just be at one with himself and gods lovely surroundings and creatures….he gets to the countryside and hes driving around, its a beautiful day and all his woes are gone from his mind completley when suddenly he feels a 'bump' and hears a bang sound from one of his tyres…he brakes suddenly and alights the vehicle to see what has happened..and lying there beside the car is a beautiful rabbit that must of tried to run across the road and he has hit it with his tyre….he falls to hes knees and puts his head in his hands and starts weeping, cos this really upsets him, cos of the way he has been feeling…just then a morris minor pulls up and the local vicar gets out and askes him whats wrong…he explains and the vicar takes a small green bottle from his tunic and pours a drop of liquid on the dead looking animal….suddenly with a cough and a splurt the rabbit shakes its head then its paws and jumps up and darts off towards the green fields…after about a 100 yards it stops in its tracks and turns around and shakes its front paw at the man and the vicar, then turns and runs another 100 yards and does exactly the same thing again, turning and giving them both a shake of his little paw…this happens another 5 or 6 times untill the rabbit is completley out of sight.
the man turns to the clergyman and says
'my god father, that was a miracle, but please share your secret, what is the magic potion in the bottle?'
to which the vicar replies.
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."That my son is hare restorer with a permanant wave."

too long for a joke, I wnadered off before the end.

Elizabeth Fritzl attended court this morning having enjoyed the luxury of a full English breakfast…pity no-one told her she still had Daddies sauce round her mouth when her testimony started

whats the difference between wendy richards and jade goody?
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about 3 months

did you hear about the women with no legs who won the strawberry picking contest?




















she was a jammy cunt

http://www.27bslash6.com/matthewsparty.html

More of a practical joke but funny nonetheless.

thanks

Iain