General Discussion: The life advice thread. Never do, say, eat or drink anything without asking how to do it in here first!


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exactlythat
exactlythat avatar

2345 posts since 27/10/07

21 Dec 2009 17:26
superbe wrote:
exactlythat wrote:
phelen wrote: I like to do more voluntary work anyone have any advice or know where to look please.

i've been looking too, contacted a few local hospices and i'm sorting a crb at the moment but i signed up to this site, been pretty useful, http://www.do-it.org.uk/

still haven't really started anywhere properly but gonna try sort something regular in the new year, if you find anywhere useful could you let me know, i asked the same question here a while back.

I did same thing and after looking at lots of charities I settled on Kids Co which I would definately recommend if you are London based. CRB took 6 months though and there is nothing you can do to speed it up. It's not easy, even if you find one you like the interviews can be tough as lots of nutters apply.

that's true, i'm around birmingham though, i've had my interview at one hospice and i think im through there. i had a crb arrive only a few weeks before the interview and showed them that, apparently having a recent one can speed things up a bit, don't really get why they need a new one, it was only 2 weeks old. they said that they need one from the local authority though.

the only problem is that they said they haven't been busy so there might not be anything i can do there for a while, unless i want to do fundraising/ event organising etc. i'm fine to do that but was looking for more care orientated stuff so i'm still looking.
unCouth
unCouth avatar

6883 posts since 3/11/07

21 Dec 2009 18:04
I'm in a bit of a conundrum. Me and my mates booked a Jap restaurant last saturday for a christmas meal, which we all paid £10 deposit on. Obviously the snow came down and we couldn't get to the restaurant, but the Jap said we could rearrange it for some time this week. It looks as though they're going to book it for Wednesday when most people can go, but i've got a works christmas do. Should i ask for my deposit back from my mates seeing as though i paid based on it being on the saturday? It's only £10 but i feel as though i'm being fucked over a little.
joe151
joe151 avatar

6230 posts since 21/2/07

21 Dec 2009 18:07
dont bother asking for it imo
robii
robii avatar

18857 posts since 8/9/06

21 Dec 2009 18:08
I'm sure everybody is doing other stuff this week so surely your day is gonna be inconvenient for somebody else in the group?
unCouth
unCouth avatar

6883 posts since 3/11/07

21 Dec 2009 18:13
Don't know for sure yet, but Wednesday seemed to be the popular choice.
SOS
SOS avatar

6483 posts since 12/10/04

21 Dec 2009 18:28
Laughing out loud £10
Noble Locks
Noble Locks avatar

66963 posts since 10/7/03

21 Dec 2009 18:36
tell them to give it as a tip
unCouth
unCouth avatar

6883 posts since 3/11/07

21 Dec 2009 18:49
Noble Locks wrote: tell them to give it as a tip

quite like idea actually Smiling
BOOKSTORECORE
BOOKSTORECORE avatar

7634 posts since 8/8/06

25 Dec 2009 15:39
We wish you a Merry Christmas.
87
87 avatar

3357 posts since 21/6/08

25 Dec 2009 15:51
Damn that post is a jumble, I hope you get the idea - he's 32 my mums 50, he's a lazy cunt that's just strolled in. When i really put my mind to it all I think of all the worst possible things that could happen if you know what I mean Puzzled He's not a bad guy which is why we have ignored things up until now but I'm getting a bit tired of it/ worried now.
87
87 avatar

3357 posts since 21/6/08

25 Dec 2009 16:16
I need to voice something, and any advice would be appreciated man:

To cut a very long story short, my mum's boyfriend who has been living with us for 4 years now is 32 and my mum is 50. He has no real career plans, let alone a career yet and he works as a social worker for an agency on probably close to minimum wage, he barely even works 10 shifts a month and when he does all that he does is bring a patient round to ours for a chat with my mum, or takes him on a day trip.Ever since he moved in he suddenly started splurging - about 3 months in he got a new 30k car, two 4k mountain bikes along with overpriced kit all adding up to a lot of cash. That was the beginning, since then he got into land rovers, bought a couple of off road pieces of shit and lost money selling them in the process, still has one that is never used. When he first came I believed he was contributing to it all but as more and more things have been getting purchased it's just came to the point that it's obvious my mum is paying for it all. My sister told me she found some bank statements showing that my mum just tops up his account sometimes which has really shit me up. In his typical week he will work maybe 1-2 shifts at work in the day, aside from that he just goes biking all the time for fun, he's not even a racer/ coach or anything. In the evenings he will stay in with my mum drinking beer watching TV, buying takeaways.

I feel like my mum is living in a dreamland, and I'm sure she is just in deep with him and thinks that she can settle and be happy with him for the rest of her life but if you do the math on there ages, that's probably not going to happen. Since she sold her business the company that bought it have offered her part time work on really good money which would of been perfect for the family, but she's declined every offer It's as if she's losing touch of the real world, and I think it's him influencing it all.

I woke up this morning to find out he had bought a new bike (6th one in the garage) which is about 3k. About two weeks ago I heard him begging to get a new bike because he needs one to ride for when he takes the dogs out. That's something that he does instead of working, takes the fucking dogs out on bike rides to the local forest and my mum thinks that's a real input. I know there are people with worse step parents or whatever, but it's just fucked up to see all this happening now. My mum and dad worked damn hard all there life to live the lifestyle my mum does now, and this guy has effectively just strolled in and is doing fuck all. I think my mum was having an affair with him about 7 years ago when she told my dad to leave too after he lost all his money.

Sorry if that's all a bit of a jumble but hopefully you get the idea. I'm not trying to boast about my parents career or anything like that, I just want to tell it like it is and the ways that i think he's affecting my mum. The question is, do I let all this carry on and trust that my mum hasn't lost her mind and knows what she's doing, or do something now? If I spoke up i would have my older sister and brother's support. Apologies for this on xmas day, but the bike sparked it.
DuffMan
DuffMan avatar

14389 posts since 21/2/07

25 Dec 2009 16:39
6 4k bikes? Puzzled

Guys having a laugh, in keeping with having watched far too much tv over the last few days, your only possible courses of action can be to get someone to seduce him and then take video evidence to your mum, or to kill him and dump his body in the forest.
Jesus
Jesus avatar

6071 posts since 7/10/08

25 Dec 2009 17:41
An agency social worker will earn plenty fwiw where does the close to minmum wage idea come from (does he frequent any mtb forums btw)
87
87 avatar

3357 posts since 21/6/08

25 Dec 2009 21:24
Jesus wrote: An agency social worker will earn plenty fwiw where does the close to minmum wage idea come from (does he frequent any mtb forums btw)

No, he can barely use a computer. The bikes are yeti's, cervelo, trek top fuel, when he had just the two to start (an expensive one and a beater) it was fair enough because he does go a lot but it's taking the piss now. The worst thing is that when he sells them he puts them up on ebay with shit pictures and descriptions and let's them go for less than they should and just tells my mum he's making enough back to buy his 'latest' bikes.

Do you not thing the age in the first place is an issue?
Charles Winthorpe III
Charles Winthorpe III avatar

5484 posts since 29/7/05

25 Dec 2009 22:29
sounds pretty shit dude. but what can you do?
talk to your mum about it and let her know how you feel.

ps - pm me if he wants to shift the cervelo.
87
87 avatar

3357 posts since 21/6/08

25 Dec 2009 23:13
billy ray valentine wrote: sounds pretty shit dude. but what can you do?
talk to your mum about it and let her know how you feel.

ps - pm me if he wants to shift the cervelo.

I'm scared of hurting her and ruining her happiness if you know what I mean. When my dad left and she was looking after the 5 of us on her own for a couple of years she was always depressed, If things went to pot with her boyfriend I imagine she would be devastated and hit a patch like that again. At the same time though I'm asking myself, is it right to let this carry on when in the future he could just fuck off and not only ruin things for her but the whole family, especially if more and more money is being spent.

My dad was and still is such a hard worker, and good father figure, my mums boyfriend on the other hand in comparison is a joke; let's my younger bro's get away with anything, doesn't encourage them to do anything, doesn't do any work around the house and again that's influenced my mum and she doesn't pay any attention to there education and what there doing. I'm hoping my mum still has her head screwed on and is watching the spending and him in general.

ODB
ODB avatar

3594 posts since 21/6/06

25 Dec 2009 23:16
Let your mum know how you're feeling 87, guy's a wasteman.
Brian Damage
Brian Damage avatar

8029 posts since 21/10/03

25 Dec 2009 23:33
ODB wrote: Let your mum know how you're feeling 87, guy's a wasteman.
namor
namor avatar

160 posts since 5/9/08

26 Dec 2009 00:00
^ basically thats all you can do mate. how she reacts to it is another matter but you r pretty much powerless
DuffMan
DuffMan avatar

14389 posts since 21/2/07

26 Dec 2009 00:03
I say beat him up