General Discussion: The life advice thread. Never do, say, eat or drink anything without asking how to do it in here first!


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spitfiredealer
spitfiredealer avatar

2309 posts since 12/6/10

6 Aug 2020 05:19
Any advice for helping a friend who has a drink problem?

My mate and business partner has a drink problem. He is what I would call a functioning alcoholic. Recently he has split from his wife so drinking has increased and it’s now starting to effect our relationship and his ability at work.

Any tips? I have tried giving him the numbers of therapy places but he won’t take them. Reckons he can control it on his own. But I know that’s not the case as he has said this before.

quest
quest avatar

3539 posts since 11/7/11

6 Aug 2020 20:37
did booze ruin your mates marriage?
spitfiredealer
spitfiredealer avatar

2309 posts since 12/6/10

6 Aug 2020 21:10
Yeah pretty much.
swede
swede avatar

8910 posts since 21/3/09

6 Aug 2020 21:12
Sorry to hear that man. Hope you can support him through it
generic_guy
generic_guy avatar

9486 posts since 16/9/02

6 Aug 2020 22:04
Sorry to hear that fella.
Unfortunately you can’t really force anyone to change, it has to be something he wants to do.
Could you send him home from work if he’s not up to it?
krisricey
krisricey avatar

2185 posts since 24/3/12

7 Aug 2020 10:13
Anyone properly smart with PC builds? I don't know fuck all but looking for a decent workstation for home freelance stuff, got a couple of options in front of me but dunno what im looking at.
roophees
roophees avatar

1728 posts since 18/12/10

7 Aug 2020 11:02
try pcpartpicker.com

i'm looking to build a rig and using one of their 'mid range builds' and adding and subtracting some stuff relevant to UK availability.
Gaz
Gaz avatar

2606 posts since 20/10/05

7 Aug 2020 12:17
I can fully recommend the AMD Ryzen range for CPU to keep the costs down. They've come on leaps and bounds in the last two gens.

I've gone with the MSI Tomahawk board paired with a Ryzen chip, which I can't fault.

M.2 Storage and SSD drives for storing and quick boot times etc for your OS with a large capacity optical drive for the heavy stuff.
krisricey
krisricey avatar

2185 posts since 24/3/12

posted 7 Aug 2020 13:15, edited 7 Aug 2020 13:15
Cheers chaps. Found a decent build on marketplace im interested in for £400.

edit: nevermind
spitfiredealer
spitfiredealer avatar

2309 posts since 12/6/10

7 Aug 2020 16:49
swede wrote: Sorry to hear that man. Hope you can support him through it
generic_guy wrote: Sorry to hear that fella.
Unfortunately you can’t really force anyone to change, it has to be something he wants to do.
Could you send him home from work if he’s not up to it?

thanks guys.

Have sent him home a few times and I have employed someone else to help out while he is dealing with stuff. Just so frustrating that he blames everything on his drinking. But the drinking is what causing all the problems.
freedom
freedom avatar

818 posts since 25/4/12

7 Aug 2020 21:10
spitfiredealer wrote: Any advice for helping a friend who has a drink problem?

My mate and business partner has a drink problem. He is what I would call a functioning alcoholic. Recently he has split from his wife so drinking has increased and it’s now starting to effect our relationship and his ability at work.

Any tips? I have tried giving him the numbers of therapy places but he won’t take them. Reckons he can control it on his own. But I know that’s not the case as he has said this before.

sorry to hear this - it must be incredibly difficult to deal with this if it's your business partner, not to mention watching your friend drinking themselves into oblivion is never easy.

so does he accept that he has a problem? and do addictive tendencies manifest elsewhere in his life?

sounds cliche but drinking isn't the problem - it's just his solution to the problems, his inner issues and the breakdown of his marriage by the sound of things.

I'd suggest getting him into an AA meeting immediately, you could even go with him. some are open to all, some addicts only. obviously this will be tricky if he doesn't initially accept he has a problem. For the time being NA/AA meetings are done on zoom, so it's probably a light introduction. worth suggesting?

spitfiredealer
spitfiredealer avatar

2309 posts since 12/6/10

posted 7 Aug 2020 21:33, edited 7 Aug 2020 21:33
He just says it’s a habit and he just needs to get out of it. Also he isn’t drinking spirits or in the mornings (pretty much only cider) so because of that he justifies it as he just likes a drink.

Yep I am pretty sure there are issues he needs to deal with
That are causing the need to drink. I managed to get him to see the GP a while ago. But all the doc did was say he was depressed and gave him anti depressants.

Zoom AA meetings might not be bad shout. He refused the contact information I got for our local one. But I hadn’t thought about them being online based.
Cheers
Blofeld
Blofeld avatar

212 posts since 30/12/15

7 Aug 2020 21:58
had a mate in a similar situation a few years ago. ultimately he had to make the decision himself but encouraging him into alternative things to do (in his case getting him back into his basketball) seemed to help a lot. very tricky given COVID and your mate might not take the suggestion so well, but I've seen it help before and hopefully it can help again!
zappa1903
zappa1903 avatar

289 posts since 26/8/14

posted 7 Aug 2020 23:36, edited 7 Aug 2020 23:36
I would say I’m almost at the level you would class as a functional alcoholic. A normal week would be just go to the pub most days and sit and drink pint after pint until the bar closes. Lockdown done me a massive favour as I don’t drink at home and this caused me to find other things to do, what I think is the solution. For me drinking was mostly boredom so if you can maybe find things to do with him this will reduce the amount of time he spends drinking and might help ease his drinking. Things I would suggest would be going for a walk and general exercise. At the start of lockdown I was going for a 3 mile walk, then 5,10,12 and kept pushing myself all the way upto a 20+ mile walk one day. I also tried running a few times and it made me realise how unfit I was. I would recommend this rather than AA and that, and if you can go for walks with him even better because if he’s drinking because he’s depressed or something is troubling him he might open up about it.
gaffer
gaffer avatar

504 posts since 13/4/05

9 Aug 2020 21:23
krisricey wrote: Anyone properly smart with PC builds? I don't know fuck all but looking for a decent workstation for home freelance stuff, got a couple of options in front of me but dunno what im looking at.

Yes - PM me if you want me to cast an eye over a build or if you want any advice.
MerciBeau
MerciBeau avatar

4328 posts since 7/7/06

10 Aug 2020 09:52
spitfiredealer wrote: He just says it’s a habit and he just needs to get out of it. Also he isn’t drinking spirits or in the mornings (pretty much only cider) so because of that he justifies it as he just likes a drink.

Yep I am pretty sure there are issues he needs to deal with
That are causing the need to drink. I managed to get him to see the GP a while ago. But all the doc did was say he was depressed and gave him anti depressants.

Zoom AA meetings might not be bad shout. He refused the contact information I got for our local one. But I hadn’t thought about them being online based.
Cheers

Sorry to hear that mate.

Lost 2 of my best mates to suicide on not dissimilar trajectories… Marriages broke down, moved from heavy drinkers to kind of functioning alcoholic territory in both cases, one also doing lots of coke and racking up debt in the process too.

On top of the good advice about encouraging AA etc, I would recommend setting up a regular activity or something, like maybe just go gym together, cycling maybe, or something like that? Weird one is freshwater/wild swimming, I do that with mates now and there's a kind of odd, but very supportive community around it, even just up at highgate men's ponds, especially in the winter.
spitfiredealer
spitfiredealer avatar

2309 posts since 12/6/10

10 Aug 2020 17:54
That is my biggest fear. I have tried contacting his family (live abroad and up North) but they seem to be of the opinion that he won't listen so what is the point. Which I can't get my head around.

Last year I got him back in to skateboarding. Which was keeping him occupied a few evenings a week. But he soon started taking cans of cider to the bloody skate park. And then hurt himself and refused to go anymore.

One of our other friends is trying to get him to go mountain biking and is sorting out a bike this week. I quite imagine he will replace the water bottle with can of cider!!





smith
smith avatar

10945 posts since 5/5/04

11 Aug 2020 13:53
I fell out with a school friend a few years ago because he was a mess on nights out and one time he not only started insulting me, but the bar staff of where we were at and just generally made a right tit of himself. He came to me about 2 years ago to say he had a problem and I encouraged him to go AA. He's now fully recovered and become a bit religious with it (the AA influence!) but I don't mind about that as it has helped him defeat his evil. We play golf once a week and watch the footy together when our teams are live on the tele. He's a much better person without the drink and got his life in order. Just need to be there for them and encourage them along the way.
NigelBenn
NigelBenn avatar

4270 posts since 6/2/08

11 Aug 2020 20:18
Some good advice in this thread. Nice one lads. I’d say try and get him out of his usual routine if you can and get him into some hobbies or sport to give Some focus and an outlet for any of his stresses instead of the using the bottle to help.

Has anybody ever completely lost their appetite? I’ve had two pieces of toast in two days and I don’t feel any hunger at all. Not been on any gear either so wondering what’s up.
smith
smith avatar

10945 posts since 5/5/04

11 Aug 2020 20:29
NigelBenn wrote: Has anybody ever completely lost their appetite? I’ve had two pieces of toast in two days and I don’t feel any hunger at all. Not been on any gear either so wondering what’s up.

Could be the heat. No appetite for me in this 30+ degree heat since Friday. Forcing myself to eat cold pasta.