General Discussion: The life advice thread. Never do, say, eat or drink anything without asking how to do it in here first!


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Trent
Trent avatar

2022 posts since 18/1/09

15 Jan 2021 08:35
Trent wrote:
Trent wrote:
swiftus wrote: @Trent - which countries?

I've lived in Qatar and Dubai (currently) which is a bit of a melting pot of culture which English is essentially the main spoken language. Dated French, German, Irish, briefly Canadian via Lebanon. Aside from the Irish, all found the British lifestyle odd - spending, jackets, music, lad culture, beers.

Didn't meet a lot of parents given all living away from their home country. I think the Irish girls parents were the most objection of me being English (albeit part-Irish and from Newcastle).

I spent a year in India which I had various awkward dating experiences. Very quick desire to level up and be in a relationship, meet parents etc.

After years of having an off / on relationship with a Geordie. I definitely preferred the ease of that, engaged now. Remarkably, her parents were the most concerned given the area of the North East that I am from and how it is perceived but all is well now.
gaffer
gaffer avatar

520 posts since 13/4/05

15 Jan 2021 09:48
Which area Trent? I’m from Killingworth
andymakesglasses
andymakesglasses avatar

20495 posts since 26/1/06

15 Jan 2021 09:53
swiftus wrote: Guys that have dated girls from other countries where English is not their first language…how did it work out?

In that position, and finding it switching from great to terrible, the latter mostly being because things get lost in translation and the lack of understanding of British humour (sarcasm, self-deprecation, 'banter') never seems to go away.

It really depends on whether or not you think she's worth the (extra) effort. The lost in translation stuff will improve over time, as will getting the humour, but there will always be some cultural differences. But for me (married to a Russian) many of those cultural differences are a positive.
Trent
Trent avatar

2022 posts since 18/1/09

15 Jan 2021 10:10
gaffer wrote: Which area Trent? I’m from Killingworth

Ashington, missus is from Tynemouth (via Holywell like)
I don't know Killingworth too well but know a few people from there from going to clubs etc.
RickRude
RickRude avatar

3758 posts since 13/1/12

15 Jan 2021 10:11
I’m married to a Russian as well - took me time to get my head around that in their culture manners don’t exist Laughing out loud
swiftus
swiftus avatar

1296 posts since 1/7/09

15 Jan 2021 10:20
Thanks all, FUK coming through as ever.

The good times are great, but it always feel like we're on a knife edge if one thing gets interpreted in the wrong way, everything just blows up. Guess it doesn't help that most communication is done via messages recently, so you miss the whole body language, tone, etc.

Will stick with it and see how it goes.
Kadafi39
Kadafi39 avatar

1880 posts since 30/10/09

posted 15 Jan 2021 10:57, edited 15 Jan 2021 10:57
swiftus wrote: Thanks all, FUK coming through as ever.

The good times are great, but it always feel like we're on a knife edge if one thing gets interpreted in the wrong way, everything just blows up. Guess it doesn't help that most communication is done via messages recently, so you miss the whole body language, tone, etc.

Will stick with it and see how it goes.

Had this once with a Moroccan girl, she was attractive and I tried to stick with it, but eventually the differences were too much to overcome.

She could speak English, but wasn't her first language and most things that I watch or listen to just went over her head, sometimes when speaking you'd also be thinking in the back of your head she doesn't understand FA!

Eventually it felt like the only thing we were both on the same page with was sex, and aside from that it didn't feel like a relationship so quite naturally it fell apart.

But best of luck and hope it works out for you.
bertoni
bertoni avatar

1434 posts since 29/9/11

15 Jan 2021 11:00
RickRude wrote: I’m married to a Russian as well - took me time to get my head around that in their culture manners don’t exist Laughing out loud

Laughing out loud Try the french mate. Jesus wept. I've been living here for 17 years and I still struggle with the lack of basic courtesy.
ismvil
ismvil avatar

1560 posts since 16/9/11

15 Jan 2021 11:47
Great advice and a little xenophobia. It’s the basics that we love in this motherfucker
gawkrodger
gawkrodger avatar

7617 posts since 4/11/08

15 Jan 2021 11:53
Laughing out loud
bertoni
bertoni avatar

1434 posts since 29/9/11

15 Jan 2021 11:57
Laughing out loud Informed xenophobia if you will. No baseless accusations here….verified experienced facts only.
ismvil
ismvil avatar

1560 posts since 16/9/11

15 Jan 2021 12:00
Laughing out loud
MerciBeau
MerciBeau avatar

4337 posts since 7/7/06

15 Jan 2021 13:05
swiftus wrote: Thanks all, FUK coming through as ever.

The good times are great, but it always feel like we're on a knife edge if one thing gets interpreted in the wrong way, everything just blows up. Guess it doesn't help that most communication is done via messages recently, so you miss the whole body language, tone, etc.

Will stick with it and see how it goes.

Classic.

Women want to 'feel' understood mate, hence why you'll hear the refrain 'I'm not a mind reader' so often from frustrated men. Add a language and cultural barrier in the mix and they seem even more irrational - I'm convinced the secret to any happy relationship is just accepting that women (all people really) aren't ever gonna make any sense but if you just listen to them and don't make them feel judged it all seems to work.

As it's advice thread I'll stick my current situation out there as I'm struggling a bit with this at the moment:

Stay in the US or go back to the UK with a new baby?

So currently we're in the US, gonna be having a baby in a month and are in the position where we can either move back to the UK or stay here and move to NYC… Here in the US the salary is higher, but UK would have a longer pat leave and be a bit more flexible with WFH, so the toss up is between living in NYC on fairly decent wedge or moving to somewhere that can commute to London say 2 days a week but still has at least some 'cool' people our age (Margate we're thinking).

Any experiences or advice?
R
R avatar

13190 posts since 17/5/03

15 Jan 2021 13:24
Kadafi39 wrote: Eventually it felt like the only thing we were both on the same page with was sex

playa
swede
swede avatar

9379 posts since 21/3/09

15 Jan 2021 13:49
MerciBeau wrote: [the toss up is between living in NYC on fairly decent wedge or moving to somewhere that can commute to London say 2 days a week but still has at least some 'cool' people our age (Margate we're thinking).

Any experiences or advice?

depending on how #decent that difference in wedge is and what it translates into regarding quality of life/life goals (is money the #1 goal?)

as cool as NYC is; really don't see the appeal of actually living there. it is fucking dirty, expensive, gridlocked and seriously shit in winter. outdoor space is really limited - even compared with london. margate is cheap and cool af
MrW
MrW avatar

2928 posts since 1/8/11

15 Jan 2021 14:13
MerciBeau wrote: so the toss up is between living in NYC on fairly decent wedge or moving to somewhere that can commute to London say 2 days a week but still has at least some 'cool' people our age (Margate we're thinking).

Choice between NYC and Margate is like choosing between Maldives or Isle of Sheppey Laughing out loud

Lived a stones throw from Margate for 20+ years (in Broadstairs), moved away for 15, came back 4-5 years ago since it's become 'hip' and live close by (Sandwich). Margate is as much of a shithole as it ever was, just now there are loads of Barley-esque DFLs making out they've discovered paradise because they can do yoga on the beach and go wild swimming in Walpole bay tidal pool. By all means there are some cracking coastal towns on the south coast, but would not say Margate comes close to being at the bottom of the list.

FWIW, the 15 years I moved away, I was living in St Leonards on Sea. Would choose that place over Margate all day long.
quest
quest avatar

3622 posts since 11/7/11

15 Jan 2021 14:24
think Nigelbenn on here did the move to NYC
RickRude
RickRude avatar

3758 posts since 13/1/12

15 Jan 2021 14:37
MrW wrote:
MerciBeau wrote: so the toss up is between living in NYC on fairly decent wedge or moving to somewhere that can commute to London say 2 days a week but still has at least some 'cool' people our age (Margate we're thinking).

Choice between NYC and Margate is like choosing between Maldives or Isle of Sheppey Laughing out loud

Spot on Laughing out loud

Lived a stones throw from Margate for 20+ years (in Broadstairs), moved away for 15, came back 4-5 years ago since it's become 'hip' and live close by (Sandwich). Margate is as much of a shithole as it ever was, just now there are loads of Barley-esque DFLs making out they've discovered paradise because they can do yoga on the beach and go wild swimming in Walpole bay tidal pool. By all means there are some cracking coastal towns on the south coast, but would not say Margate comes close to being at the bottom of the list.

FWIW, the 15 years I moved away, I was living in St Leonards on Sea. Would choose that place over Margate all day long.
Laughing out loud Laughing out loud
Birdman
Birdman avatar

1518 posts since 10/3/10

15 Jan 2021 14:38
MerciBeau wrote:
swiftus wrote: Thanks all, FUK coming through as ever.

The good times are great, but it always feel like we're on a knife edge if one thing gets interpreted in the wrong way, everything just blows up. Guess it doesn't help that most communication is done via messages recently, so you miss the whole body language, tone, etc.

Will stick with it and see how it goes.

Classic.

Women want to 'feel' understood mate, hence why you'll hear the refrain 'I'm not a mind reader' so often from frustrated men. Add a language and cultural barrier in the mix and they seem even more irrational - I'm convinced the secret to any happy relationship is just accepting that women (all people really) aren't ever gonna make any sense but if you just listen to them and don't make them feel judged it all seems to work.

As it's advice thread I'll stick my current situation out there as I'm struggling a bit with this at the moment:

Stay in the US or go back to the UK with a new baby?

So currently we're in the US, gonna be having a baby in a month and are in the position where we can either move back to the UK or stay here and move to NYC… Here in the US the salary is higher, but UK would have a longer pat leave and be a bit more flexible with WFH, so the toss up is between living in NYC on fairly decent wedge or moving to somewhere that can commute to London say 2 days a week but still has at least some 'cool' people our age (Margate we're thinking).

Any experiences or advice?

Recently moved back from US (albeit Dallas, not NYC) to UK for similar reasons (wife gave birth to twins, and already had a two year old Eek ). My tour in the US was always for a fixed period but we decided to cut it a few years short.

Salary/package was better in the US but cost of living was higher than UK and wife wasn’t able to work in her chosen profession there, so became less of an issue. I’ve moved back to South West though - I’m sure NYC-London cost of living is similarly mental.

My wife wanted to return so we could be closer to family etc with the kids - I would have quite happily stayed. A bit of a shit time to be anywhere at the mo but haven’t regretted being back yet (arrived back at beginning of Nov). Not sure if that helps!

Fläsket
Fläsket avatar

3867 posts since 14/8/04

posted 16 Jan 2021 02:04, edited 16 Jan 2021 02:04
swiftus wrote: Thanks all, FUK coming through as ever.

The good times are great, but it always feel like we're on a knife edge if one thing gets interpreted in the wrong way, everything just blows up. Guess it doesn't help that most communication is done via messages recently, so you miss the whole body language, tone, etc.

Will stick with it and see how it goes.

Fill your boots with it!

I was with a French bird for three years. All the cultural differences and humor kept it quite enjoyable and exciting. Her English was worse than my French so we spoke French together. Spent most of the time at hers in a Paris suburb, but she came back to the midwest to do an internship at the university I went to and it was quite the eye opener for her Laughing out loud